Oddz 'n Endz

Occasionally I'll send some banal renderings your way and today will be one of those times. Here is my potpourri of variegated miscellany (enough of the repeated redundancies already!):

–Dining with my wife tonight, an elderly man walked into the restaurant wearing a tee-shirt bearing the banner: "I used to care, but now I take a pill for that."

–Found a hilarious spoof on the DaVinci novel. Go to http://www.carl-olson.com/articles/duhvinci_con1.html and laugh yourself silly.

–If you do not want to invest in one of those expensive DayTimers or they seem a bit confusing or over-the-top, download the disposable pocket organizer at www.pocketmod.com. It's really cool!

–Top 10 Signs You Are Broke:
10. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
9. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
8. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
7. You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
6. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
5. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
4. Your bologna has no first name.
3. Sally Struthers sends you food.
2. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
1. At communion you go back for seconds.

–And in the "Did they say what I think they just said?" dept.:

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." –Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," –Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," –Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." –Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." –Al Gore, former Vice President

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst (and Notre Dame grad)

And, finally (drum roll please):

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." –Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

I just thought you'd like to know these things. You know, to better equip you for this dramatic and sometimes dangerous thing called life…

The Devil and the DaVinci Code--Part One

I probably need to offer my apologies to Leonardo of Vinci as the heading might infer that he was somehow in cohoots with satan. It's not likely that he sold his soul to the devil but there are questions that have arisen related to his painting "The Last Supper". It is Dan Brown (The Davinci Code) and those of his ilk who are propagating the myths surrounding this 15th century painter-inventer-cum-laude.

It seems, at least from their perspective, that there are certain codes, if you will, embedded within the brush strokes and shadows of DaVinci's masterpiece. In this and following articles, we will be discussing what those codes are and how we may be able to answer them both scripturally and scholarly. The following seem to be the primary sticking points of Mr. Brown's so-called research:

–no one before the Emperor Constantine in the 300s believed in the deity of Jesus Christ
–Constantine was the first to suggest and enforce it in the fourth century
–Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had children
–the ambiguous figure to Jesus' right in DaVinci's painting (leaning away from the Lord) is actually a representation of Mary and not John as it has more feminine features
–Jesus and John-slash-Mary form an "M" in the painting, providing a clue that corroborates what Brown feels is DaVinci's subtle insistence that Mary is the Holy Grail
–there is no chalice on the table in the painting–why not? Isn't this a supper after all?–thus another code breaks forth: the Holy Grail is Mary!
–After Jesus' death, Mary and her child fled to Europe and the child carried on his father's line through French royalty
–Jesus had appointed Mary as His successor but Peter became enraged at his being overlooked and fabricated stories about Mary being a prostitute so the church would not accept her
–the Council of Nicea (AD325) put together the Bible, ignoring as many as 80 other books which contained these facts
–the Catholic church has surreptitiously protected secret societies (Opus Dei, Priory of Sion) which guard these and other facts and, if the truth ever got out, would spell the end of Christianity as we know it

Brown says in his book, "almost everything our fathers taught us about Christ is false." And, prior to the bishops meeting with Constantine in the city of Nicea (in modern Turkey) in AD325, "…until that moment in history Jesus was viewed by His followers as a mortal prophet…a great and powerful man, but a man nonetheless."

I know what is shaping and driving Dan Brown's testament. It is nothing more than the age-old resurrected Gnosticism. And Feminism. From the beginning, satan has been fueled by the intense longing to discredit the Person and Deity of Jesus Christ and has such propagated Goddess worship–anything to swing away from God Almighty! Jeremiah refers to the corrupt worship of the "Queen of Heaven" (7:18; 44:17), the Egyptians worshipped their female Isis, the Greeks had their Venus and the Romans had Juno. There was Diana of the Ephesians, Astarte of the Assyrians and the Sidonians' Ashtoreth. Even the Catholic Church has elevated the Virgin Mary as the "Queen of God" and many worship her as such. And Dan Brown's Mary Magdalene is the Holy Grail.

Brown has rejected the veracity of New Testament scripture and has instead opted for the outrageous contents of the Gnostic gospels (e.g., The Gospel of Judas, now on bestseller lists!). The Gnostics believed that the teachings of the NT were not to be taken at face value but the teachings were filled with symbols and hidden meanings (sound familiar?). They rejected the Incarnation of Christ and doctrinal orthodoxy as being too literal. Consequently, new 'gospels' could be written since the Gnostics were not bound by what may or may not have happened while Jesus was on earth–if he ever was.

Sandra Meisel writes, "By manipulting his audience through the conventions of romance-writing, Brown invites readers to identify with his smart, glamorous characters who've seen through the impostures of the clerics who hide the 'truth' about Jesus and His wife. Blasphemy is delivered in a soft voice with a knowing chuckle: 'Every faith in the world is based on fabrication.'" (Sandra Meisel, "Dismantling the DaVinci Code," Crisis Magazine)

Though Brown says in the opening pages of his novel, "all descriptions of documents and secret rituals are accurate", scholars are dismissing much of his material as resoundingly suspect. Yet another example of Brown's erroneous research is the presence of the "sacred feminine" within the Gnostic community during the early centuries. There was no such thing. In fact, the Gnostics were the most mysoginistic (women-hating) religious cult around! The Gnostics viewed the human body as evil and women as one of its primary tempters.

Just a novel? Hardly. Quasi-scholarship and bunk-filled research aside, Brown's novel is a direct attack against orthodox Christianity. The timing is ironic as its success (47 million copies sold since 2003 and 160 weeks on the NY Times bestselling list) rides the crest of the wave of incendiary feelings about corruption within the Catholic church.

On May 19th, Ron Howard's adaptation of Brown's novel was released into theaters and many have left those screenings having swallowed his strange brew hook-line-and-sinker. The argument "it's just a movie" falls apart when you understand what is goading its release. The Enemy, the Wizard behind the curtain, is pulling all the levers and deceiving many.

Take heart, Christians! Like Baum's Wizard, he is all shout and little bite. Brown, DaVinci and even the devil himself–not a one of them–brings even the singlest bead of sweat to the Father's forehead. Just you wait and see, though the devil means this for evil, God, who triumphs valiantly, will turn it into good.

God's Hair Club

The older I get, the less vain I get about losing my hair. Don't pat me on the back or admire me, because it's more about concession rather than conceit. It is a losing battle! Of course, I've gotten things a bit backward since most men turn gray before they turn loose, but for me it's been just the opposite. Sandy noticed quite a few flecks of gray at my temples yesterday. Can one be distinguishingly gray and bald at the same time? That's a conundrum for another day, I imagine.

I have noticed something about my hair of late. It's beginning to grow again. No, not what you think. I haven't discovered some new cream or gel or pill that will jump-start your hibernating locks but this is just as exciting for me. I guess I need to explain.

A number of years ago I heard a sermon relating to Samson and the after-effects of his departure from the Lord. Though a tragic figure, there is a scriptural gem that shines against the bleak background of Samson's life. There he was in the threshinghouse, now with hollowed sockets where proud eyes once dwelt, chained to a post and trudging in infinite circles, grinding out the wheat for his captors. Each day he heard the laughter and endured the scorn. "Praise our gods!" they bellowed. "Yours is dead but our gods have triumphed!"

Each laborious step from the humiliated hero sounded the woeful cadence of failure, shame and regret. His scalp, chopped unmercifully, ragged and butchered and running with blood boasted precious few sprouts of hair here and there. The glory had departed. The crown had fallen from his head.

Each day he wished they would just kill him and get it over with. Each day brought more humiliation and reminders of what he had and what now was lost. But, with arms powerless to break loose of his bands and ghastly sockets running with ooze, his broken heart began to seek the Lord. The merciful One looked upon His exiled servant with pity as He heard the symphonic strains of that penitent soul. Wiped away in one glorious infinitesimal speck of time were the years of rebellion and the miles of philanderings. The ledgers, once filled with the horrific smudges of sins, were erased with a mighty swipe of God's righteous Hand! And then, just to shut the mouths of the accusers, the most amazing thing happened:

"…and the hair of his head began to grow again…" (Judges 16:22)

We know that his hair did not give him strength but it surely symbolized God's powerful Hand upon him. When the hair was shorn, it indicated that the Spirit of the Lord had withdrawn Himself. Ah, but when the hair began to grow back–oh yes! When sprigs of hair pushed through the surface of that barren scalp–the Philistines must have sensed a change of order was forthcoming! And indeed it was. This tortured soul became victor once again as God raised the roof and brought the house down!

Some weeks ago I had begun to notice that I was drifting from the Lord. My "wood was wet" so to speak. I knew that I was permanently indwelt by the Spirit of God and that He does not come and go at will, but I also knew that I was capable of drifting away from the warming coals of God and toward the shadows of self-will and deceit. And indeed I had. But as I look back now, with joy, I have seen that my "hair" has begun to grow again! A fire has returned, spiritual eyes have refocused and my heart palpitates with the very Life of God.

Perhaps you have detected a cold front heading in your direction. Or perhaps a cooling in your heart. That mournful breeze can feel like an arctic blast across a baldened head! Hey, we've all been members of God's Hair Club from time to time! And, I would suspect, we'll rejoin again sooner or later (let's pray later!). Why not let the grace of God massage life back into that dome of yours. Pray for spiritual sight restoration. Are you tired yet of trudging on and getting nowhere? Sick of the crunch of failure beneath your feet? The mocking laughter of the enemy all around you? Do what Samson did. Turn to your Deliverer and be free. Get rid of the toupee. It looks silly on you anyway.

Are those hair plugs I see coming through your scalp? Praise God! Before long you'll be needing a comb.